break

yes, even i run out of steam, even when i can drone on and on about myself. i haven't had much energy to invest here, and have been traveling and recovering, traveling and recovering. california was nice, i haven't drank that much in a good, long while. i managed to come down with a cough/cold/sinus infection that was a doozy. several days of several meds and i am just now getting somewhat back to normal. somewhat.
I gained a little weight from eating nothing but junk and easter candy last weekend, then i made a huge batch of pasta "de medici" with the bechamel sauce, peas and truffle oil, with chunks and chunks of the leftover easter ham. i look like i'm stuffed with ham. i'm corned. hah.
we had a yard sale that was hilarious and deviant, since we gave mostly anything that is worth anything to the cleaning lady and then forced the customers to take all kinds of stuff for free that they didn't want. we also didn't make much money either. the biggest sale of the day was my mom's practically new printer that I told Brian not to sell. figures. i have sun burn on my arms and shoulders . and we had the heat on this morning?? only in Texas, i'll tell ya.

Brian found his favorite old ball cap today, and was inspired to take his own pic with the photobooth. He got it from the mayor of Brackenridge Tx. enjoy.

will i look back?

Will I look back some day and look at us sitting in these chairs and think "gosh, we were so young....."
Will he look back and say "bitch, you ruined my life!!!"?????

take" you" for granted

i have had it with my fucking fat ass. i will announce secondly that i am dieting and exercising, both weight training w/ a personal trainer and doing cardio for 1 hr sessions. now that i have made that pathetic proclamation, i am going to skim the bottom of the deep well of lost hopes and broken dreams and crushed self-esteem. Fondles, eat your sarcastic heart out. there's plenty to go around.
no one looks as good as they did in their early 20's, but most people look better in their teens than they do in their 20's, right? that wasn't the case for me. after moving to Texas at 21 i made some drastic lifestyle changes and dropped A LOT of weight and mass. i was still very toned, and had no problem demonstrating while coaching gymnastics part time. of course then i had my daughter, and though i had a few rough months after, i returned to almost the same size/shape as i was before. very cute. up until about 4-5 yrs ago, i seem to be putting on a couple of pounds a year. until i got married. now i weigh the heaviest ever, even more than when i was 9 months preggers. fact of life, fine. i'll deal. it's just that it won't budge. i can see my muscle tone coming back quite a bit, but i haven't lost any weight, and my target areas aren't budging, no matter how specific i get.
and i fucking hate it. i don't feel or look like myself, and i have the ghost period (as Brian calls it)and i'm just not feelin it.
fucking fuckety fuckness. - lady fatness

everyone's human

Just don't be human next to me. In particular, when i am on the treadmill, or at yoga, with my face within 3 ft of your ass or armpit or mouth. My gym is rather good with the provisions of personal hygeine products, i.e. shampoo, conditioner and bodywash, mouthwash, razors, deodorant, and even tampons. the expensive ones. and wow, there's even a toilet you can shit in, instead of letting the "pre-shits" gas out while you are sweating next to me.
There are 3 of us in our little house, and one bathroom. we have to be as considerate for the next person as we would like them to be for us. and it's not like we are sterile, o.c.d. kind of people, it does seem like we have a little more tolerance for the ones we love the most, and care for, however. (like changing a diaper) But, we definitely go the extra mile to be clean, especially if we are going out in public, ESPECIALLY if we are going to the gym.
What's too much to ask? what's realistic? i know everyone sweats. i love to work up a good one too. I don't think that the average person should stink up a four foot radius of the gym when breaking a sweat. and i don't think for any reason other people deserve to smell your shithole, when it's hard enough to make yourself go to the gym in the first place.
and a friendly "fuck you" to those who are going to bust my balls about it, suggesting that i smell you, or that i am neurotic. If you do, i will send my daughter to fart on you.

my bloody valentine

Last night I shut off the ringer on my cell, because Brian had called several times to say that he was/was not on his way home from having drinks/darts with his cohorts. Either way, i was in a snit about him not coming home. And not because he was out having a good time, because he deserves to go out whenever he wants, and he works damn hard to take exquisite care of me and mine. It doesn't matter what they are doing or why as much as it unnerves the insecure part of me that worries that he just doesn't want to come home, for whichever of the myriad of reasons i contrive in my head.
as luck would have it, he and his friends get into a kind of freak accident and nearly kill my husband in the process. and as he is utterly losing his shit, i am on the couch mentally pouting and wondering when the hell he is coming home, not knowing that i am missing a slew of phone calls from him as he just escaped death. now, as i see it, and he'd surely agree, out of the three of "them" the friends, we have the healthiest relationship, and we are married with child as opposed to the others who are dating, and more than likely are not planning on embarking on a life-long commitment with their short term lady-friends. i was relieved to not be going on the ski trip to Utah with them because the others seem like a frank pain in my proverbial ass. but in one evening, i lost my rank in the hen house because i, didn't answer my phone. Adele dumped Rob that evening, but the bitch at least picked up the phone when it rang. tsssss.....
there's no controlling things to a certain extent, like accidents, but you can control many. Like being there when the one person you can count on also needs you. and whether they are on your shit list or not, i'd rather be angry than sorry. to think that i kissed, dated and even bore a child to so many frogs before i got my prince is one thing. to think that i'd take it for granted is for shame. so chuck one up to me tonight, when i realize not only that i am lucky to have him, but that i am lucky to have him in every moment, and there is no telling how long that could be for, or why.
if i could have just one crummy wish from this world, it would be to live as long as possible in it with those i love. and to be the bigger person (just not the biggest on the beach.) -

blog virgin sacrifice

This will be my first Blog. I am the gal holding the blow-up Spiderman toy under the ferris wheel. I blend.
When I was pregnant, I recieved a book called "the artists way" that recommended doing "morning pages" to help get your mind in the right place before you start your day. Since I head straight to either the coffee-maker or the computer, I will substitute this blog in place of my morning pages, besides, i have the penmanship of a serial killer. Hence, I do not wish to amuse or interest anyone, I am just verbally vomiting the events of yesterday, much like a hangover. Where's the Tylenol??